Sunday, 27 June 2010

Littlejohn - His Struggle

With his customary subtle touch, Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn has chosen to put forward his feelings this morning on England’s capitulation in the World Cup.

“Thank Heaven The Few didn't defend as badly as England's footballers in Bloemfontein yesterday afternoon, otherwise we'd all be speaking German,” says Littlejohn taking the unusual option of comparing an aerial military battle that cost hundreds of lives with a game of football played by millionaires.

You can’t help but think that Littlejohn has planned this article ever since the USA topped England’s group, putting Germany, Argentina and Spain as likely foes in England’s path to World Cup glory.

If England had beaten Germany yesterday, no doubt the Littlejohn typewriter would have been preparing sentences like

Thank Heaven The Falklands Task Force didn't defend as badly as England's footballers yesterday afternoon, otherwise we’d have lost possession of some barely populated scrubland in the South Atlantic and Thatcher might have lost in 83.

A victory over “the Argies” as Littlejohn still calls them would no doubt have led to something about the Armada and everyone north of Calais going through the unbearable hell of speaking Spanish. Ironic, of course, that Littlejohn has taken the option of using WW2 imagery to talk about football seeing as he writes for a paper that famously thought Hitler was the bee’s knees. The rest of the article is typical Littlejohn, using the flimsy pretext of sharing in England fans disappointment to inform Mail readers of his views on lesbianism, the French and the Labour Party.

Basically, it’s not hard to imagine there’s a Littlejohn Column Generator at work. Type in a sentence about a current affairs event, punch it in and the LCG does the rest sprinkling Littlejohn’s clunking prose with lashings of bigotry.

Still, he is right on one thing, England were several shades of shit yesterday. Hopefully we’ve seen the last of Capello, Terry, Lampard, and co. Golden Generation? A Golden Shower more like. Except the only ones getting pissed on were the fans.

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