Monday, 24 May 2010

Unusual Telly Syntax #2 - Egghead Contestants.


It's a show wherein a team of a bunch of hateful, deluded fucktards - the kind of people who think the ability to retain information such as the Latin name of elm trees or the first name of Doctor Zhivago - are invited to take on basically the Harlem Globetrotters of quizzing. The Eggheads are bastards. Total wankers. CJ, Judith, that old bitch with the face like a sheep and the permanent expression of someone unsure whether they've just shit themselves or had a massive orgasm and the one who looks like eighties enviro-cartoon hero Dr. Snuggles.

Anyway, enough about the Heads. What bothers me is this new style of answering questions that contestants on the show have been forced to adopt in the hope of padding out the program.

A contestant is asked "Who wrote Catch-22"
Three options pop up on screen. Joseph Heller. Les Dennis. Malcolm X.
This didnt really happen but you'll see what I mean now. I hope.

The contestant knows the answer, you can tell by the mildly ejaculatory look in their stupid face. But he cant do that. He has to do what I call a "minor Cowell."
Invariably they'll pull a wickle puzzled face.
"Well, I dont think its Les Dennis." Bit of a pause. "I think Malcolm X mainly wrote political speeches urging the Afro-American man to fight for a positive and deliberate segregation of themselves from the white American society." Bigger pause. "I think it must be Joseph Heller."

Then Dermot, the poor host who clearly cant believe he has to do this shit but has to because he's not a Paxman, never will be, looks at his card and reveals that they're right with a level of mock-surprise a toddler would find insulting.

I dont know how much use there can be for the minor Cowell syntax in the outside world. Could you use it in the bedroom?

"Where would you like to stick your cock?"
"I dont think I'm going to put it in your ear......"

1 comment:

  1. Or Anne Robinson's response to a "Pass" from a contestant - "No - " and then she gives the answer as if the contestant gave her a wrong answer.

    Someone should tell her to pronouce her consonants correctly too. And the question writers need to stop making up stupid categories for questions.

    "In "Things that can Fly but Shouldn't because of the Laws of Physics", What V has a furry body and buzzes?"

    It's B! B B B.